Wednesday, January 16, 2013
In the Breslov literature, and especially in Rabbi Chaim Kramer's fabulous book on Reb Nosson called "Fire and Water" there is much talk of one's devotions towards Hashem. Lately, I have seen my own devotions increase, in significant ways. I am davening more than in most of my past, I have lately been learning and reading more Breslov Torah, I have been binding myself to the Tzaddik before davening and each evening, and the last two nights I have Kriat Sh'ma al Mita. What does this all mean? Lately, it means I have really been feeling very close to Hashem. Do I still need more Emuna? Yes, that was illustrated to me when I blew a tire earlier this week and was more upset about it than I should have been. Do I spend enough time in Hisbodedus? Not nearly enough, speaking to Hashem more in my own words is something I need to work at more. Have I perfected myself, or my avodah? Of course not, we are put on this earth to grow, and that is a lifelong process. But, every so often, we get to look back and truly see progress, and while it hasn't lasted a long long time, it does seem as if progress is being made.